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It may have started very casually. The USD$100,000.00 offer finally came through for Marilyn, the model that lived down the street. I want to say she was okay for a model. Standing at 5.10ft tall, this size 4/6 model got just enough gigs. She was either busy doing shows in NYC, or our in Europe at least every time I checked up one her. But there was only one problem. When her agency called her to tell her about the contract she was about to sign from a big client, they said she needed to lose her hips a bit more. They were at 38", when they needed to be at 36". She was to meet the client in a week and she was to also be at 36 inches hips.
Now you tell me how??
Well, she left the agency and agreed that she will have lost the extra 2 inches off her hips within a week. Anyway, within a week, Marilyn went to the agency and had lost the undesired weight, met the client, got the contract and started working. Quality of life was definitely better, more travel, dating life became worse, as there was no more time for the ‘boo'. Most of the little free time Marilyn had, she would be so exhausted and prefer to isolate herself from the others. However, she had started taking ‘speed', which had facilitated her weight loss constantly, but now it was becoming a habit. One that was good to her and not good for her. Despite the fact that the use and abuse of drugs is not an act of self-love, but of self-destruction, she got hooked. In a period of 8 months, she looked sick! She was no longer the Marilyn that everyone knew. Half her cheques were for Hernandez to get her hard stuff and the other half was for her bills. Nothing else to live for!
After a few more months, her agency dropped her off the contract and got a fresher model to replace her. They said that Marilyn was no longer oozing the energy the client required for the cosmetic line. And that was the end of the beautiful contract. The power of drugs is such that they can completely control a person. Once a person becomes addicted to drugs, she/he will do almost anything to obtain more drugs or the money to buy them. Well, it's sad to know, but this was the end of life for Marilyn, the once super-model, was now a full-blown junkie. How was it going to be? How was she going to survive? And how was she still going to get her fix from Hernandez?
She had given up! People give up deadening the pain of deferred hope. But she may have also given up because she believed that life was pointless without what she had lost or what she may never have attained. She saw no reason to love, to work, or to stay involved in life if she could not appeal to the modeling agencies any more. So she withdrew into a state of self-imposed numbness. I have not heard of her ever since.
I am definitely not Dr. Phil's sister, but I it could be that she struggled with depression and felt despair because she put her primary hopes for meaning and happiness in all the wrong places, which we tend to get caught up in sometimes; A place that could never satisfy the soul. And when these illusions of fulfillment seem hopelessly lost, out of reach, or indifferent to our needs, the tendency is to give up on life. We must therefore understand, however, that the One who works in us is the Spirit of truth.
So it's in the realm of truth that God is able to bring renewal and growth to our hearts.
The process of recovery is built on the foundation of facing the truth, no matter how much it hurts as pain is not the enemy, it's a sign that life and feelings are returning to purr deadened hearts. Only as we begin to face the truth will we be able to recover hope through despair, recover faith through doubt, and recover joy through giving to others.
Yes, some of you may ask why I am so engulfed on this topic, but besides the loss of my friends in the modeling industry, I have lost my brother for almost 15 years. He is the 1st child in my family and the only boy out of 3 girls. He has gone through everything you can and can't ever imagine in life; good and bad. Rehab, prayers, jail, streets and everything else a junkie may go through. At 31years of age, his drug/alcohol problem still persists, and some people have given up completely. When I say I have lost my brother, it is not a permanent loss because I believe that he will get out of this problem someday. It may take 20yrs or even 30years, but the only thing that my family is left with is faith! Nothing else will help us cope with this problem. If my uncle, Dave Ogot was also a wreck, but it is by the grace of God that he cleaned up at the age of 40++ and is now helping other drug/alcohol abusers clean up, I see a bright future for anyone who is caught up in drug-abuse as long as they can acknowledge that they have the problem and seek help.
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